CHAPTER SEVEN: GENDER INEQUALITY AT PLAY: STIGMATISATION OF AND DISCRIMINATION AGAINST SINGLE (WO)MEN
Noor Azima Ahmad
7.0 Introduction
In March 2010, two prominent researchers from Texas Tech University and University of Missouri conducted a study on ever-single women, which drew significant attention due to its controversial title and limited abstract provided in the initial press release. The title, "I'm a Loser, I'm Not Married, Let's All Just Look at Me," sparked widespread discussion and debate on online platforms, attracting mainly women (and a small number of men) who were themselves singles. Many expressed their anger and frustration towards what they perceived as yet another article that appeared to undermine single women. Several months later, the article was finally published with a clearer title: "I'm a Loser, I'm Not Married, Let's All Just Look at Me": Ever-Single Women's Perceptions of Their Social Environment" (Sharp & Ganong, 2011). The revelation that the controversial title originated from one of the respondent's (out of 32 of them) self-perception as an ever-single woman led to further questions and discussions. People began to wonder why the topic became the subject of heated debate. Are single women particularly sensitive about their marital status? Does being single carry additional implications, such as unequal treatment towards unmarried individuals? It raises the question of why only single women are often labeled as "losers." Logically speaking, shouldn't single men also be considered "losers"? Furthermore, why is there a lack of studies exploring single men's thoughts and perceptions about their singlehood? According to Levitt (2010), the reason behind this is the perception that single men are seen as cool and free to live their lives outside the institution of marriage. Wait! Doesn’t that ring a bell? Isn’t there a double standard here? That is the whole gist of this Chapter.
Other Chapters in this book discuss feminist and non-feminist gender theories that were introduced to address the issues of gender inequality and equity in society. This Chapter attempts to examine the notion that despite the many years since the introduction of the United Nation’s convention, plans of action and guidelines, women all over the world are still at a disadvantaged. Even with the ever-growing number of single men and women. Singles are still being marginalised. On hand is the issue of being stigmatised against because of their sex, age, and marital status. While the discussion is more focused on women and scantily touches on the single men, this does not diminish the interest on gender issues and relationships, as literatures confirm that great majority of stigmas and discrimination involve women: singles or otherwise (Ntoimoa & Isiugo-Abanihe, 2014; DePaulo & Morris, 2005; Sharifah Zarah, 2005; & Falk, 2001). Thus, ‘she’ is very much the appropriate pronoun when victim of marital stigmas is discussed, just as in many other types of gender violence and discrimination. Because women’s discrimination and disadvantages are closely related to the privileges of men, Price (2000) believes that any discussion on women is actually done in comparison to the situation of men and will not diminish the value of gender comparison studies (see also Khan, Nashi, et al. 2015).
The discussion on the struggles for gender equality and ending discrimination against women sets the context for examining the phenomenon of stigmatisation against single women, including those who are widowed, divorced, or never-married. Various theories are introduced to shed light on the stigmatisation process and how it can ultimately result in discrimination. The concept of stigma is defined, highlighting its negative implications for individuals who deviate from societal norms, particularly in the context of marital status. This aims to demonstrate the pervasive nature of issues and the challenges faced by single women in various aspects of their lives.
7.1 The Long Struggle towards Gender Equality
The issues of gender equality and equity have a long history of discussion and advocacy even prior to the initiation of United Nations conferences that specifically addressed the importance of recognising women's contributions in both public and private spheres. Efforts towards achieving gender equality have been ongoing and have gained significant momentum over time. hooks (2000) posit that feminist uprising began to occur in 1960s. To her, one of the most influential figures in the discussion of gender equality and women's rights is Betty Friedan, whose book The Feminine Mystique (1963). In her book, Friedan addressed what she called "the problem that has no name," referring to the dissatisfaction and unfulfilment experienced by many women during that time.
"The Feminine Mystique" played a pivotal role in sparking the second wave of feminism in the United States and beyond. Friedan challenged the prevailing societal norms and expectations that confined women to traditional roles as wives and mothers, arguing that women should have the opportunity to pursue their own aspirations and find fulfilment beyond the confines of domestic life.
Friedan's book shed light on the notion that many women felt trapped and unfulfilled despite conforming to society's expectations. It ignited a broader conversation about gender roles, women's rights, and the need for gender equality. Friedan's work inspired women to question their own experiences and played a significant role in mobilising the feminist movement of the 1960s and 1970s.
Through "The Feminine Mystique," Friedan helped to articulate the frustrations and aspirations of countless women and provided a powerful critique of the prevailing social and cultural norms. Her work contributed to the growing awareness of the need for gender equality and the recognition of women's rights as fundamental human rights. Friedan's impact continues to be felt in the ongoing pursuit of gender equality and the advancement of women's rights worldwide.
It addressed the way sexist discrimination affected highly educated white women with class privilege. However, Tuana (2004) hails Simone de Beaviour’s ‘The Second Sex’ written in 1953 as the most influential book on feminist approaches. Haas (2010) believes that Elizabeth Cade Stanton preceded Friedan and de Beaviour by holding the first Women’s Right Congress in New York in 1848 on the rights to vote. Many events took place after that, all in the spirit of ensuring the betterment of women, and indirectly the improvement of family life that includes the men. Because of these events, the issues of women, and women’s contribution, are accepted as legitimate and important enough to be discussed and included in international forum.
The inaugural event that marked a significant milestone in addressing the unequal treatment of women and establishing international public policy to promote gender equality was the First International Conference on Women, also known as the Conference of the International Women's Year (IWY), held in Mexico City in 1975. Allen, Galley, and Persinger (1995) note that most significantly, IWY was the beginning of the merger of two previously distinct agendas: the women’s agenda, and the inclusion of women’s social issues into the political agenda of the U.N. Thus, the acceptance of the need for women’s and ultimately, gender issues to be discussed at the uppermost internationally-recognised institution.
In the aftermath of that significant year, the United Nations embarked on numerous initiatives to address gender imbalances. The introduction of the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) in Copenhagen in 1980 brought great joy to women worldwide. CEDAW, as defined by the United Nations (1995), identifies discrimination against women as,
...any distinction, exclusion or restriction made on the basis of sex which has the effect or purpose of impairing or nullifying the recognition, enjoyment or exercise by women, irrespective of their marital status, on a basis of equality of men and women, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural, civil or other fields.
(emphasis added)
However, it appears that many of the signatories of CEDAW have overlooked a particular group with a distinct characteristic: singles, including those who are divorced, widowed, or never-married. This includes individuals who have chosen to remain unmarried or those who find themselves in this situation due to circumstances beyond their control. Surprisingly, when the amendment was made to Article 8(2) of the Federal Constitution in Malaysia to include the term 'gender' in discussions on discrimination, no consideration was given to addressing discrimination based on marital status. Regrettably, this oversight still persists today. The prevailing belief is that marriage is the ideal situation for everyone, without taking into account the diverse circumstances and preferences of individuals. Despite accepting variations in personal preferences such as favourite colours and food choices, society tends to adopt a one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to marriage. This raises the question: Is this fair? Some argue that marriage can be perceived as a form of submission and a relationship based on power dynamics, rather than a true partnership of equals.
Throughout history, various forms and degrees of male dominance over females have been evident. Ancient civilisations such as the Romans, Greeks, and Babylonians have documented instances of male dominance, particularly in the role of the father, which was supported by societal norms (Berns, 2001). According to Garbarino (1992), gender inequality arises from a society's deep-rooted adherence to patriarchy, which promotes the belief that men are superior to women. This dominance can be manifested in different ways, including explicit acts such as rape and physical abuse, as well as through formal policies and regulations. During civil wars for example, women are targeted with gang rape to show dominance of men from the other side who execute ethnic cleansing. Men (and other women) of the same side, on the other hand, marginalise these rape victims who are seen as disgracing their families. One only needs to google the experiences of thousands of women in war torn countries such as the Balkans including Bosnia, in Afghanistan, Liberia and Congo to see such treatments, even in the present day of the so-called women’s emancipation and the brouhaha of international human rights. Women are thus stigmatised and abused by friends and foes alike, regardless of the fact that the heinous acts are forced upon these defenceless women, by arrogant men. Subtle forms of dominance can also be observed through jokes and derogatory remarks that undermine the capabilities and worth of women, relegating them to traditional roles as reproductive agents and portraying them as inferior workers. These perceptions overshadow women's achievements in other areas of life. The deeply ingrained patriarchal norms, beliefs, and cultural values that favor men are challenging to overcome, even when addressing the experiences of single and never-married women. In everyday life, these dynamics manifest in overt acts of discrimination and degrading treatment towards never-married women. The stigmatisation of women, particularly singles and never-married individuals, is widely accepted and rarely challenged (Rozita & Zaharah, 2009). This raises the question of why such stigmatisation persists without significant scrutiny.
7.2 Some Theoretical Outlook
To get a clearer picture of why, let us look at some theoretical perspectives. Theories are not ends in themselves, but actually an aid to understanding or a lens meant to focus on certain things and enable minimisation of the others (Bahr & Bahr, 2001). Sociological perspective tries to answer the question of why gender inequality happens. The comprehension of women's experiences and addressing the persistence of gender injustice are crucial aspects, as highlighted by Allen and Walker (1992). To gain insight into gender-related concerns such as the stigmatisation and discrimination faced by women in general, including single and never-married individuals, theoretical frameworks such as Power, Gender Socialisation, and feminist theories can be employed. These theories collectively shed light on the occurrence of inequality in daily situations, stemming from the patriarchal perspective that portrays women as the weaker gender. In Gender Socialisation Theory, socialisation process and social structure are significant factors that influence women and men’s personalities, attitudes, behavioural styles and responds. Gender expectations based upon cultural and religious values are reflected in the portrayal of women in the media, as well as direct teachings in schools and families. Thus, one grows up learning how to do gender and fulfil the appropriate gendered roles (Coltrane, 1997).
According to proponents of the Power Perspective, human societies are primarily masculine and have been constructed based on the assumption that women are undervalued. Women are generally regarded as having lower status compared to men, and societies tend to be patriarchal due to the traditional roles of women in childbirth and child-rearing. Smith (2002) suggests that individuals belonging to the dominant group, often men, who hold positions of power in society and the workforce, control the financial aspects and have a vested interest in maintaining their hegemony over these positions. To uphold their power, they tend to exclude candidates who differ from them in terms of age, gender identity, and marital status. Consequently, this reinforces women's lack of agency within the family, workplace, and society as a whole. Hillmert (2010) believes that the concept of accumulation of inequality – gradually collecting or amassing unequal treatment in life – is useful in this Chapter to dissect how the never-married women are discriminated earlier on in life, through their work experiences and if these disadvantages are not minimised by having interventions, it will influence their later life well-being. In this case, mid-life events and experiences of late life outcomes have proven the notion that later life is a period of profound change and adaptation, but the seeds of many these changes may have been planted decades earlier (Ferraro & Shippee, 2009). It works just like how wealth is accumulated over time with good investments. The same applies to women’s later life, as the life pathways will ultimately affect the outcome. With numerous and various types of stigmatisation and discrimination at work and at home and proven income gap between men and women, married or otherwise (Phua & McNally, 2008; De Paulo, 2006) single women’s well-being in later life could definitely be compromised from their earlier days.
Feminist theories are highly relevant to our current discussion, as they offer valuable insights into women's issues (Lay, 2007). They emphasise that mainstream social and political ideologies have historically reinforced and legitimised women's subordinate position in society. From a radical feminist perspective, families are viewed as gendered institutions that mirror the existing gender hierarchy in society. The family is considered a significant agent in the socialisation of gender roles. Within this framework, proponents of feminist theory argue that power imbalances exist between men and women within families, and meaningful changes can only occur when families transition towards a more egalitarian structure. Feminists critique the sexist arrangements that portray men as primarily instrumental in daily life, as they believe such limitations on gender roles are detrimental to both men and women, as well as families and society as a whole (Anderson & Taylor, 2007). The liberal approach of the feminist theory views women’s liberation/empowerment as could be fully achieved without any major alterations to the economic and political structures of contemporary capitalist democracies and patriarchal societies. This is against the radical or socialist approaches that fight for total makeover of the structures as society is seen as utterly male-oriented.
According to hooks (2000), women face daily marginalisation and discrimination, as they are pushed to the margins of society. This forms the foundation of the feminist theory, which aims to understand and address the subordination of women to men. Acker (1987) emphasises that feminist theoretical frameworks primarily examine the origins of women's subordination, how and why it persists, and the potential for change, as well as envisioning a world without it. Modern feminist thought has consistently asserted that all women experience oppression, which implies a complete lack of choices. However, in reality, many women do possess some choices, albeit often limited. As a result, terms such as exploitation and discrimination better describe the experiences of modern women, as opposed to strict oppression. In a patriarchal society, sexism is structured in a way that imposes restrictions on women's behaviour in certain areas, while allowing freedom from limitations in other spheres. The absence of extreme restrictions may cause many women to overlook the areas in which they are exploited, leading them to believe that no women face discrimination (hooks, 2000). Within the feminist infrastructure, Steinem (1994) criticises earlier feminist theory as it has failed to recognise women beyond the family age as a centre of activism. Feminist theory seems to have been designed for those women just starting out in life and work spheres, and leaving younger female babies and older women as non-important entities. However, gerontologists and feminist gerontologists (Calasanti, 2009; Calasanti, 2008; Allen & Walker, 2009; Twigg, 2004; Calasanti & Slevin, 2001) have, in recent years, discussed ageing and the aged using the feminist lens. When examining the field of aging and the experiences of the elderly, the feminist perspective offers valuable insights into understanding why singles, particularly never-married women of a certain age, face stereotypes and stigmatisation compared to their male counterparts of the same age. Feminist analysis highlights the influence of gender norms and societal expectations that shape perceptions of aging and marital status. In many societies, women have traditionally been expected to prioritise marriage and family, and those who deviate from this norm may encounter social judgment and negative stereotypes. This differential treatment based on gender can be attributed to deeply ingrained patriarchal beliefs and the reinforcement of gender roles. Feminist perspectives help shed light on the underlying power dynamics and social constructs that contribute to the relative stereotyping and stigmatisation faced by never-married women in the context of aging.
7.3 Marital Status and Ageing
Historically, human cultures have regarded aging as a positive, natural process of gaining experiences and wisdom, accomplishments and privilege that ultimately resulted with an honoured place in society (MacGregor, 2003). However, the industrialisation and modernisation eras demanded people to have mobility and agility to adapt to constant changes of ever-developing technology, and along with these changes, many societies transformed from highly respecting their elders, to the obvious celebration of the young (Nelson, 2004). Thus, the birth of ‘ageism’ where ageing is generally seen as a burden to the family and society, and old people are discriminated against. Today, ageism in various ways is faced daily by older adults the world over (Sokolovsky, 1999).
Photo credit: tostadophoto.com
Besides that, certain cultural expectations are placed on adults, including the need to be married off by certain age (Connidis, 2001). In any culture, marriage remains an extremely important social institution. It is pertinent to note at this juncture that this Chapter is in no way reflecting any objection to idea of marriage and fostering the family of creation lifestyle. The survival of mankind depends on the ability to procreate; thus one needs to get married to have offspring (some eyebrows are raised at this point because to some people marriage is not a prerequisite to having children. Let us agree to debate that in another forum). As a Muslim author, the notion of marriage is welcomed wholeheartedly and, in most cases, can actually be considered as compulsory for Muslims. However, there are always exceptions to such cases where under certain circumstances, marriage is even considered as haram in Islam. Having that as the underlying foundation, the Chapter is actually an attempt to advocate respect and common courtesy to all, regardless of their marital status. Isn’t that not one of the important tenets of any religion? The need to have common courtesy and respect for others, especially to those older than us? Even for those who are singles.
Thus, why is it so hard to accept singlehood? Generally, singlehood is seen as a failure to conform to that particular ‘normal’ patriarchal cultural expectation of marriage and seen causing disharmony due to the inability to adhere to the universal ‘ideology of marriage and family’ (DePaulo & Morris, 2005, p. 57). What more when occurrences of singlehood involve women, as opposed to men. In discussing the ideology of marriage and family, most people assume that everyone wants to get married, and in the United States and elsewhere, most people do get married. At least 90 percent of people will get married over the course of a life time with half getting a divorce from the first marriage in the United States.The obvious assumption is that partnership or marriage is good (DePaulo & Morris, 2005) and staying in a bad marriage is still better than getting a divorce and being single again (Hawkins & Booth, 2005). This can be seen if cases of abusive relationship in marriage are scrutinised. That said, evidences around the world are showing that currently, many people: men and women are staying single (never-married, divorced or widowed) and delaying marriages (Tey, 2007; Jones, 2007; Jones, 2005). Singlehood has become an increasing phenomenon throughout the world (Morris, Sinclair & DePaulo, 2007) as the mean age of first marriage continues to increase annually. For Malaysians, it used to 23.8 years old in 1970, but by 2015, it is estimated to be at 33 or no marriage at all.
In discussing singlehood, sociologist Peter Stein proposes the ‘typology of singlehood’ to distinguish between the groups of people who stay single as temporary or stable (permanent) situation, voluntarily or involuntarily. The typology could explain why some studies found singles to be happy and contented, while some others remained unhappily single. For those voluntarily choosing to stay singles, the world of singlehood is seen as a blessed, enjoyable and fun with so many things to be shared with the rest (McCulley, 2004). And for those who involuntarily staying single and lacking faith in religion and fate, singlehood could be a trying time indeed; fills with unhappy, lonely moments and affects the overall well-being (DePaulo, 2006).
Lo and behold: the future of every single woman
(Photo credit:blogs.riverfronttimes.com)
Tallentire (2006) believes that marital status fractures women into identities that are deeply structured by the relations of power and privilege, creating some fundamental distinctions between the married and the never-married women. While there is relative paucity of research on single women globally, research on the never-married or ever-single women is relatively new. Researchers have just started to conduct empirical studies especially on the life experiences and their identities. Research has also been focused on the negative perceptions towards and the discrimination against the singles (Craig, 2005; DePaulo, 2006; &Ord, 2008). All that and plus the imminent feeling of aloneness as portrayed by the above picture of an elderly single woman who has only a cat for company. The journalist openly called her a ‘spinster’ in the caption, which would not be so kindly received in the present day. The image pushes the author to imagine Miss Ford’s life as a lonely elderly person, up to the point that she had ample time to groom her cat, and take it with her everywhere using a special carrier just like a substitute for her own child. This kind of images tend to make one forget about the existence of fictive family, the warmth of the extended family of origin and numerous friends that Miss Ford may have. Just as all married women are considered happy, all singles are seen as definitely miserable beings.
Many books on family issues have forgotten to include the existence of single never-married women (and men) despite their increasing number all over the world, because the phenomenon is still viewed as ‘deviant’ (Allen & Pickett, 1987). It is not accepted as the normal human life cycle (Haber, 2006). Singlehood is the complete contradictory to the universal, normative ideal picture of a family life. However, Judith Stacey, a sociologist said it spot on “My strong objection is to the notion that there’s one kind of relationship that’s best for everyone”. Some researchers who discuss the well-being of the never-married are noticeably sceptical of how the never-married could possibly be happy (Hawkins & Booth, 2007). Forget about the enormous occurrences of divorces, separation and publicly humiliating court cases that undoubtedly signify the unhappiness levels of the married people. This selective forgetfulness is enhanced by most writers who see the unmarried stage in older age as the ‘transition’ to a stage of singlehood (Connidis, 2001). This can be considered quite irrational, as the fact is that people are born single and only transited to the marriage state by a certain age. On the other hand, there are family theorists/gerontologists who view singlehood as an important life pathway. Rather than treating marriage as a normative component of human development, they view it from the life course perspectives where variables such as marriage, home leaving and childbearing can be put together and/or able to stand on its own as an individual life course variable (White, 2001; Allen & Pickett, 1987). With the present trend of delaying or non-marriage, probably this is the way discussions should be undertaken in the future. With that kind of perspective, there is hope that the end of stigmatisation and discrimination of singles is somewhere near the horizon. But for now, what exactly is stigma and why does it continue to exist? The next section provides some answers to that.
7.4 Stigma Defined
Stigma typically refers to negative beliefs associated with a particular group of people who are perceived as deviating from societal norms (Kamen, 2010). Stigmas are not based on an individual's personal character but rather on shared characteristics or traits that are acquired through actions or have limited potential for change. These traits can encompass various aspects such as race, gender, marital status, disability, or body size. Stigma can be seen as an invisible form of disapproval that serves to separate "insiders" from "outsiders" and establish boundaries for inclusion within a given group (Falk, 2001, p.17). Stigmatisation can be manifested through the usage of terms in languages. The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis posits that surroundings can only be understood via the language used (Eliason, 2005). This concept constructs the belief that individuals who do not speak the same language and unable to understand the nuances of that specific language do not live in the same world.
Stigma is not a new concept, and throughout history, people have experienced stigmatisation, which often leads to discrimination (Falk, 2001). Individuals associated with stigmatised traits may internalise the belief that they are unworthy or undesirable, leading to compromised self-esteem (Bell & Yans, 2008). Stigma can also result in reduced self-satisfaction and potentially contribute to depression (Rusch, Corrigan, Powell, Rajah, Olschewski, & Wilkins, 2009). In the case of singles and the never-married, societal pressure to conform and enter into marriage is prevalent (Wulf, 2000). Psychological distress can arise when individuals do not meet the expected timeline for marriage, as they may feel like they don't fit into accepted societal norms. As a result, stigmatisation can lead to ostracism, belittlement, and disempowerment (Bell & Yan, 2008). Through stigmatisation, social norms and moral standards are developed and upheld by society. Stigmatised individuals are often judged and looked down upon due to their differences or their specific circumstances (Koro-Ljungberg & Bussing, 2009). Stigma can be perpetuated through various means, including media portrayals. For example, popular television series like Sex and the City often depict single women as being solely focused on finding a husband. Moreover, stigma can be conveyed through language, derogatory terms, and discriminatory actions directed at others. For example, all older adults are judged to be lacking in mental and physical activities because of the ageing process, despite the fact that there are some very healthy and mentally alerts older people. The term ageism conceptualises these beliefs of older adults. Being an unmarried woman is also connected to negative meanings, because she is single or that she is seen as not being whole because she does not have a partner. It is important to recognise that the statements you mentioned reflect societal stereotypes and prejudices, rather than accurate representations of single women. Stereotyping single women as pitiful, unwanted, or sad is an unfair generalisation that overlooks the diverse experiences, choices, and strengths of individuals. Similarly, labelling all single women as "old spinsters" who are cold and lonely perpetuates ageism and further reinforces negative assumptions. It is crucial to challenge these stereotypes and recognise that individuals' worth and happiness are not determined solely by their marital status. People lead fulfilling and meaningful lives in various ways, regardless of their relationship status.
It traces back to ancient times in human history. Unmarried women, including widows and divorcees, were perceived as immoral troublemakers in the 17th century and older women were often accused of witchcraft (Norton, 1984). Consequently, these women were marginalised and even faced execution for not having husbands (Chambers-Schiller, 1984). By the 19th century, women began to be recognised as distinct individuals separate from men (Marinovitch, 1988). Towards the late 19th century, women themselves started considering remaining single as a viable option due to increased work opportunities. Nevertheless, marriage continued to be widely regarded as the socially acceptable state for adult women. Although there has been significant progress since the era of witch trials, these beliefs still persist and will be further examined in the following section.
7.5 Stigmatisation and Discrimination of Single (Wo)men
Singlism refers to the phenomenon identified by DePaulo and Morris (2005), which involves the stigmatisation and discrimination faced by individuals who have never been married, regardless of gender. This form of discrimination occurs in a society where the dominant ideology emphasises marriage and family, and it permeates various aspects of daily life, including thoughts, interactions, laws, and social policies that favor couples over singles (Sharp & Ganong, 2011; DePaulo, 2006; DePaulo & Morris, 2005). Unfortunately, these incidents often go unnoticed and are not recognised as instances of stigma and discrimination. Despite the increasing number of single individuals worldwide, studies consistently demonstrate that being single is still viewed as a negative status (DePaulo & Morris, 2006) were traditionally,
... singleness has operated as a marginalised status while heterosexual couples have occupied a privileged position that confers upon its inhabitants a range of social, economic and symbolic rewards
(Budgeon, 2008, p. 301).
The researchers believe that singlism is prevalent in both America and Malaysia due to the strong emphasis on marriage and family as societal norms (Calasanti, 2008; DePaulo & Morris, 2005). This cultural influence is particularly evident in Asian societies, where religious and traditional values have shaped expectations for women to be submissive, reserved, and obedient to men (Adler, 1994, p.2). Asian women are often socialised to be passive, soft-spoken, and conform to proper conduct (Mi, 1984). In Malaysia, Malay women are specifically raised to be submissive and traditionally regarded as second-class citizens, while Malay men are typically viewed differently (Badriyah, 1988). However, it is important to note that societal expectations of marriage and motherhood are prevalent in patriarchal societies, considering them crucial stages in a woman's life (Maeda, 2006). This perception is particularly strong among Muslims in Malaysia, as Islamic teachings promote marriage (Rozita & Zaharah, 2009). Consequently, never-married women are negatively labelled as 'anak dara lanjut usia' or 'anak dara tua' in Malaysia, which translates to 'old virgin' or the equivalent of spinsters. Similarly, in the United States, never-married women are referred to as 'old maids', 'spinsters', or 'losers', while in Japan, they are called 'leftover' or 'parasite singles'. Notably, there is a lack of equivalent demeaning terms for men in similar situations, highlighting the manifestation of gender inequality through derogatory language.
Various experimental studies have examined stereotypes and stigmatisation of single individuals (Maeda, 2006; DePaulo, 2006; Etaugh & Birdoes, 1991). These studies have consistently found that singles are harshly judged by both single and married men and women. They are often perceived as socially immature, maladjusted, irresponsible, unhappy, and lonely compared to their married counterparts. Surveys and quasi-experimental studies conducted by Bell and Yans (2008) demonstrated that single women were evaluated as less attractive, morally and emotionally unstable, and less responsible and dependable than their married peers. Single women also face interpersonal discrimination and differential treatment. Therefore, it is important to recognise that stigmatisation can lead to discrimination (Bell & Yans, 2008; Koro-Ljungberg & Bussing, 2009). In another study by Morris, Sinclair, and DePaulo (2007), housing discrimination faced by single individuals was examined, involving rental agents and undergraduate participants. The questions asked were,
1. Whether participants prefer leasing properties to married couples versus singles when presented with equally qualified applicants including in terms of race, age, income and occupation; and
2. Whether participants perceive discrimination against single as legitimate.
3. The overall findings validate the presence of stigmatisation and discrimination against single individuals. Both undergraduate participants and rental agents displayed a strong preference for leasing to married couples rather than single women, single men, cohabiting couples, or opposite-sex friends. The underlying assumption behind this preference is that singles are more likely to be financially irresponsible, immature, and prone to rental payment delinquency compared to married couples.
4. Regarding question (ii), even among single participants themselves, there was limited objection to the stereotyping and discrimination against singles, possibly due to a lack of awareness regarding the stigmatisation. Morris et al. (2007) suggest that people are generally more accepting of stigmatisation and discrimination based on marital status. This acceptance stems from the perception that marital status is controllable or changeable, unlike factors such as race and sex, although this may not be true for all singles who desire to marry but are unable to do so. Consequently, participants deemed discrimination against singles as more legitimate compared to discrimination against individuals based on factors like race or weight. The researchers concluded that the perceptions and treatment of married and single individuals reflect the prevailing ideology of marriage and family, whereby married adults are considered more valuable, important, and deserving, irrespective of other personal accomplishments, including professional achievements.
5. In Malaysia, instances of stigmatisation and discrimination against never-married individuals are widespread but often go unrecognised. For instance, similar to many other countries, various tax exemptions are provided exclusively to married individuals, particularly those with children (DePaulo, 2006). In contrast, very limited initiatives are offered to singles who also contribute to the advancement of the country. A thorough examination of the Malaysian tax form confirms this practice. This disparity exists despite the fact that many never-married women bear the primary caregiving and financial responsibilities for their elderly parents and grandparents (Rozita & Zaharah, 2009; Connidis, 2001; Simon, 1987). These individuals could greatly benefit from additional tax rebates for medical expenses, currently set at only RM5000 annually, considering that even a minor operation can quickly exhaust that amount. The existing taxation framework indicates an underlying belief that singles are independent entities who do not support anyone else in the family, besides their parents. This belief persists despite Malaysians' strong sense of close-knit extended family traditions and the responsibility of caring for both the family of origin and the family created through marriage. Personal communications with various agencies and scrutiny of their official websites also revealed additional instances that exemplify these underlying beliefs,
6. Adoption of children can be done through the National Registration Department [Registration of Adoption Act 1952 (ACT 253)] or through the Court [Adoption Act 1952 (ACT 257]. A married couple can easily adopt a child if they are eligible, but a widow or widower or an unmarried or divorced person who fulfils the strict requirements still need to get a special consent from the Ministers of Health, and Welfare, (The Malaysian Bar, 2012) now known as the Minister of Women, Family and Community Development. In good faith to ensure safety and welfare of a child, unintentionally the singles are judged on a different platform than the married ones. They could be judged as not mature enough as marriage is seen as a pathway to adulthood, despite the fact that they are competent enough in other spheres: mentally, psychologically, spiritually and financially stable and may have extensive family network;
i. While single mothers received many assistances from the Government including renting and buying a flat in the Kuala Lumpur Federal Territory (DBKL)’s People’s Housing Projects (PPR), the never-married ones find it almost impossible to do so. This is simply because to be eligible for consideration, one has to be married with children, be above 21 years old and whose household income is below RM2,000 (Dewan Bandaraya Kuala Lumpur, 2012; Fazleena, 2011). With price of properties soaring in the Klang Valley, many singles are forking out extra money renting or buying houses from private developers as they are deemed ineligible to get government-funded housing because of their marital status;
ii. Even though a single (wo)man has fulfilled other requirements, s/he is not eligible to get a domestic help for herself (or himself) as the Immigration Department of Malaysia has a standing rule that the maid’s employer must be married with children under 15 years old or have parents who are sick/ill (Immigration Department of Malaysia, 2012). Thus, singles can only legally secure domestic help for their sickly parents, but not for themselves. One need not wonder why there are so many cases of illegal immigrant domestic helpers in this Country; and
iii. Public servants in Malaysia are given housing allowances according to their grades. In lieu of that, they can choose to stay in Government’s quarters. In Putrajaya, Government quarters come in various forms: from landed property (bungalows to terrace houses) to apartments and flats. Generally, the Management and Professional group and above are given the landed properties which have three, four, five or more rooms according to their eligibility. However, an officer of the Government from the Management and Professional group who is not married will not be given a landed property and only be eligible for the apartments that are designated for the supporting staff. To be eligible for landed properties, one needs a valid reason for example by having a disabled parent living with her/him. This is the norm and non-negotiable, despite the fact that the officer’s substantial amount of housing allowance which is the same amount as his/her married friends’ is deducted from his/her salary monthly, or the fact that there are vacancies in the landed housing areas (Personal Communication, 2012). Shouldn’t the amount be deducted appropriately according to the type of housing, then?
The instances discussed above demonstrate how the pervasive ideology of marriage and family is deeply ingrained in everyday life, often without conscious awareness. This incorporation comes at the expense of singles and never-married individuals. However, with the global trend of delaying marriage and an increase in non-marital relationships, the stigmas and discrimination associated with singleness are starting to be challenged. Questions are being raised about the fairness and justice of these practices. Is it fair to judge someone's worth based on their marital status? Does being single make someone any less of a human being?
These inquiries prompt a reconsideration of societal norms and values surrounding marriage and relationships. It is essential to recognise that individuals have diverse life paths and choices, and their worth should not be determined solely by their marital status. People's value as human beings should be based on their character, achievements, and contributions to society, rather than their relationship status.
As the global landscape continues to evolve, it becomes increasingly important to question and challenge the stigmas and discrimination faced by single and never-married individuals. Promoting inclusivity, respect, and equal treatment for all individuals, regardless of their relationship status, is crucial in fostering a more just and equitable society.
While the main issues of this Chapter are in the stigmas of and discrimination against singles, it is also profoundly important to realise that sometimes, these stigmas and discrimination happen because of the singles themselves: the way they act and the way they behave. Some single women mopped around looking for their life partners, and cannot accept fate and the bright side of being single, sometimes envied by many among their married friends. Singles especially women are no angels, that is a given. Just like not all married people are bad hats either. But, central in this argument is the need to uphold righteousness over wrong, helping the oppressed, and being noble keeper of deference towards other beings in this world. The idealistic dream is for a world where people value others and hold them as previous, respect one another’s differences and work with the differences for the good of all. Aren’t diversities interesting? Whatever our lifestyle, religion, and culture are, what better challenge is there than to be able to live peacefully and happily together?
7.5.1 The Importance of Awareness
Looking at the record, many milestones have been achieved for women the world over since the inception of CEDAW. This is particularly true when we talk about the overt and obvious discrimination and violence against women. Yet, numerous covert and subtle stigmas and discrimination still prevail. These include stigmas and discrimination against the singles and the never-married. Flying solo in a married world is hard, with all the perks attached to the married status. Ask any single and they will tell you all kinds of stories of how they are (mis)treated daily. In every other step that they take, there will be someone who reminds them that they are different, some with good intention while some purely just out of spite.
It is particularly challenging for those who did not choose to be in the minority. While marriage is widely celebrated and embraced, there should be room for accommodating singlehood as well. It is only fair for singles to be treated with respect and accorded the same rights as the rest of the population. With the increasing number of singles and never-married women, it becomes crucial to listen to their voices and understand their experiences.
Instead of viewing singles as problematic or in need of fixing, it is important to recognise that some of these individuals are content and fulfilled in their single status. Research suggests that they can be happy, not lonely, and even psychologically healthier compared to those in troubled marriages. Being single can offer them a sense of freedom and self-actualization, as exemplified in movies like the Oscar-winning film "The Best Years of Our Lives" from the 1940s.
Rather than pitying or marginalizing singles and the never-married, it is essential to acknowledge their contributions to the country and society. Promoting and nurturing stigmas and discrimination against them, both overtly and subtly, only creates a disconnection between this group and their families, communities, and governments.
The increasing number of aging single women, who often have longer lifespans than men, highlights the need for further research to better understand this demographic. It is important to consider the specific needs of individuals in this group, especially never-married women, to provide adequate infrastructure for aging in place and ensure readily available support and caregiving elements. This requires the involvement of the state, society, families, and individuals themselves in designing development policies that safeguard their well-being, particularly in later stages of life, considering their gender, age, and marital status.
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