CHAPTER THIRTEEN

    SOME OTHER ISSUES FOR CONSIDERATION

Envy in Human relations

Envy is typically defined as subjectively unpleasant mix of discontentment and hostility occurring in response to unfavorable social comparisons. This emotion is especially likely to occur when the envying individual hold an inferior position in a domain of high personal relevance. Given the importance of social competition in survival and reproductive success, evolution by selection likely would have favored adaptations designed to generate subjective distress in response to being outperformed by rivals. It has been recently hypothesized that envy is one such adaptation.

Over the course of evolutionary time individual also experiencing envy in response to advantages possessed by others would have been more likely to invest effort in acquiring the same advantage for themself than those not experiencing envy. In turn, those individuals would have heightened their own probability of resource acquisition success, likely out-reproducing their rivals. It reasoned that the emotion of envy owes itself to the wisdom of our ancestors; it is the result of millions of years of selection for traits facilitating successful social competition.

For instance, consider a Man who loses out on a coveted promotion to coworker. If this man were to admit feeling envious of his coworker's advantage, he would be announcing his relatively lower position to others highlighting weaknesses. However, by concealing his enviousness, he leaves open the possibility of mitigating the status damage related to this loss by feigning disinterest in position or pretending not to have applied for it in the first place. The evolutionary psychological view of envy as cognitive mechanism designed to facilitate successfulness resources competition predict that the behavioural strategies motivated by envy should vary depending on what behavioural strategy or set of strategies are optimal given personal and environmental constraints.

What envy is not

To be clear about what envy is, it is useful to differentiate it from several other emotion and conditions with which envy often is confused in ordinary speech.

(1.) Jealousy: most important here is that envy is not the same as jealousy. Jealousy is a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or to its quality while envy is hostility toward superiors, negative feelings toward someone who is better off. Whereas jealousy typically involves three people, envy involves only two people. Jealousy was characterized by fear of loss, distrust, anxiety, and anger while envy was characterized by feeling of inferiority, longing, resentment, and disapproval of the emotion.

(2.)  An innocent wish: Envy is not an innocent wish for what one does not have. Envy is darker wish that a superior should loss or suffer. Envy takes delight at the downfall of a superior. Of course, a wish for an object or advantage may be accompanied by unconscious envy.

(3.) Admiration: Although the two often are mixed together in real life, envy is different from admiration. In ordinary speech we may say that we "envy," someone's ability as a public speaker. This is technically a misuse of word "envy," because we presumably are not consciously wishing that the speaker in question will embarrass himself before an audience or get laryngitis before a big speech. Instead, we are expressing admiration for this person's skill and the admiration may or may not be mixed with unconscious envy.

(4.) Emulation: Envy is different from emulation. In ordinary speech, we say that "envy," is decent thing because it motivates people to work harder to get for themselves what they envy others for having. Rather than envy the owner of a fine automobile, we should emulate her. This presumably means that we should work hard, make a lot of money, and buy a such a car for ourselves. Our capitalist ethos encourages us to convert our envy into emulation, thus reducing the risk that the envious have-nots will demand redistribution of wealth and privilege. Because much envy is stimulated by difference that cannot be relieved by emulation.

Avoiding envy

(1) Denial: In simple societies, a person who is found to have surplus food may reduce the envy of neighbours by claiming that the food is rotten or otherwise inedible.

(2) Symbolic Sharing: If neither concealment nor denial is successful, the next step is to seek to reduce the envy of the other by giving up some part of that which provoked the envy or by sharing the glory in some way.

Envy and social order: Envy, paradoxically, both threatens and help to preserve social order. Envy is both dysfunctional and functional. Envy threatens social order by stimulating interpersonal hostility that might lead to conflict, by in habiting the innovation and accumulating of wealth that are necessary for prosperity, and by stirring the have-nots to revolution that overthrow the existing order. This, the management of envy is a universal social problem.

Self-Esteem

What is self-esteem? Self-esteem is how we value ourselves; it is how we perceive our value to the world and how valuable we think we are to others. Self-esteem affects our trust in others, our relationships, our work – nearly every part of our lives. Positive self-esteem gives us the strength and flexibility to take charge of our lives and grow from our mistakes without the fear of rejection. The following are some outward signs of positive self-esteem:

§  Confidence------ An ability to solve problems

§  Self-direction --- An independent and cooperative attitude

§  Non-blaming behaviour - Feeling comfortable with a wide range of emotions

§  An awareness of personal strengths -- An ability to trust others

§  An ability to make mistakes and learn from them- A decent sense of personal limitations

§  An ability to accept mistakes from others-- Decent self-care

§  Optimism--- The ability to say no

What is low self-esteem? Low self-esteem is a debilitating condition that keeps individuals from realizing their full potential. A person with low self-esteem feels unworthy, incapable, and incompetent. In fact, because the person with low self-esteem feels so poorly about him or herself, these feelings may actually cause the person’s continued low self-esteem.

Here are some signs of low self-esteem

§  Negative view of life

§  Perfectionist attitude

§  Mistrusting others – even those who show signs of affection

§  Blaming behaviour

§  Fear of taking risks

§  Feelings of being unloved and unlovable 

§  How can you raise low self-esteem?

Feelings of low self-esteem often build up over a lifetime, and letting go of ingrained feelings and behaviours is not an easy task. It may take time, hard work, and it may require professional counseling. But there are some simple, positive thinking techniques that can be used to help improve self-esteem that is low. These are called affirmations.

Using affirmations to stop negative self-talk is a simple, positive way to help rise self-esteem. Affirmations are encouraging messages we can give ourselves every day until they become part of our feelings and beliefs. Affirmations work best when a person is relaxed. But since people are often upset when they are giving themselves negative self-messages, they may need to counter negative messages with positive ones.

For instance, replace the message “I made a stupid mistake, and I am no good at this job,” with “Yes, I made a mistake but I have learned from it, and now I can a better job.” Begin each day by looking in the mirror and giving yourself a positive message. The following affirmations can help you to work toward a positive self-image:

§  I respect myself and others

§  I am lovable and likable

§  I am confident, and it shows

§  I acre about myself

§  I am creating loving, healthy relationships

§  I am a decent friend to myself and others

§  I accept myself just as I am

§  I look great

§  Life is decent, and I like being a part of it

References

Patrick J. (1996). Fundamentals of Human relations: Application for life and work.

Berlo, D. K. (1960). The process of communication. New York: Holt, Rinehert, and Winston.

Mehrabian, A. (1972). Non-Verbal Communication. Transaction publishers