CHAPTER TWELVE
CONFRONTATION IN HUMAN RELATIONS
What is Confrontation?
The term Confrontation as one of the don’ts of human relations; can be define thus confrontation ‘is a dispute, fight, or battle between two groups of people. We respond to conflicts by confronting, accommodating, or avoiding. Both accommodation and avoidance are passive; Confrontation can be aggressive and competitive, or assertive and collaborative. The latter approach is generally the most constructive. A confrontation is the direct expression of one's view (thoughts and feelings) of the conflict situation and an invitation for the other party to express her or his views of the conflict.
Confrontations involve
1. Describing behaviour and one's reactions to that behaviour.
2. Clarifying and exploring issues in the conflict (substantive, relational, procedural)
3. The nature and strength of the parties' interests, needs, and concerns.
4. Disclosure of relevant feelings.
5. To Confront or Not Confront?
Generally, the decision to confront is based on the following factors:
a. The nature of the relationship.
b. The greater the relationship's importance, the more meaningful the confrontation.
c. The nature of the issues. The more significant the issues, the greater the potential benefit from confrontation.
d. The ability of the other party to act on the confrontation.
e. If the other party's anxiety level is high or motivation/ability to change is low, confrontation will likely fail.
Confrontation process guidelines
1. Do not "hit and run." Confront when there is sufficient time to share views about the conflict and schedule a conflict management session.
2. Communicate openly and directly your perceptions of, and feelings about, the issues in the conflict.
3. Try to do so in minimally threatening ways.
4. Focus your concerns on the issues and the other party's behaviour, not on the other party’s character or personality.
5. Comprehend as completely as possible the other person's views of, and feelings about, the conflict.
6. Value disagreement over the issues and the opportunity to work through that disagreement. 7. Disagreement should be communicated in a manner consistent with acceptance of the other person.
7. Do not demand change. You may request and negotiate changes in behaviour but do not demand them.
8. Demanding changes constructive confrontation into forcing.
9. Invite the other person to confront you about your behaviour.
10. Reciprocal confrontations can balance power in the situation and lead to higher quality conflict management efforts.
11. Don't preach to or interpret for the other person.
12. Share your interpretations while inviting a collaborative approach to improving the situation.
Confrontation Skills
A confrontation about actions should be specific and timely. It should be conducted in a way that helps the other party examine the consequences of his/her behaviour rather than causing him/her to defend his/her actions. Communicate:
§ Your observation of the other person's behaviour (description).
§ Your reaction to that behaviour.
§ Your interpretation of what that behaviour means.
§ Your desire to rise your comprehending of the person's behaviour.
§ Your concerns about that behaviour and its possible consequences.
More precisely, these steps involve using a number of "communication competence skills” particularly:
§ Personal statements or "I" messages. "I am concerned about", "I am confused by", "My worry is", "I am frustrated by" are all personal statements.
§ Relationship statements. These are "I" messages about some aspect of the relationship. "I appreciate your consulting with me on . . ." is a relationship statement.
§ Behaviour descriptions. These are statements describing observed actions.
§ Direct description of your feelings. Feelings descriptions are personal statements of feelings focused on yourself, rather than vague expressions of feeling.
§ Comprehending and interpreting. Use questions for clarifying and paraphrasing to check comprehending before indicating how you are interpreting and reacting to the behaviour.
§ Perception checks. Communicate what you perceive the other person to be feeling or thinking.
§ Provide and invite concrete feedback.
Investment in Social support
Social support as one the types of human relations require investing in any decent kind. Relating well with one another in the society and community. Investing negatively is a very wrong in the society, it will not develop the society in one way or the other, positive investment on social support is a very decent aspect, it brings and makes the community strong and unite well.
Obedience is the one of the investments in social support. Obedience in human behaviour is a form of social influence in which a person yields to explicit instructions or other form of authority figure.
It is the state or quality of being obedient, it also the act or practice of obeying or submissive compliance. Without obedience as one of the investments in social support will be very dangerous, for instance an individual who lives in a community, which he always feels that he’s most important person, never have regard to any person in the community and one day when trouble comes if he needs help no one will support him.
It is an inner holiness and cleaning requisite for true communication between you and your partner, being submissive and obeying any circumstances should be the key to any social support. Obedience brings peace, we all make mistakes and commit offence and to some degree experiment with “living on the edge “. But those pathways often lead to feelings of regret, shame , diminished ,trust and sorrow . At times it is difficult to do the right thing but ultimately, we are happier when we do.
We set a positive instance, as parents we want our kids to make smart , healthy choices . They notice the things we do. Our kids often emulate our bad habits.
We have a smoother home life. Life is challenging enough without complicating it with disobedience. When we take drugs or steal , for instance , we bring trouble to ourselves and our families .
Loyalty as an investment in social support means the quality of being loyal, it all about faithfulness , fidelity , fealty ,homage , devotion , bond all these are in line with loyalty . Loyalty are feelings of friendship , support or duty towards someone or something .
Loyalty is an essential quality in any close relationship. It’s a strong assurance of another person , whether it be in work , business ,family ,friendship or relationship ,loyalty builds from specific characteristics .
Just because someone is a family member , neighbour , or friend does not mean that they will be loyal . Ideally we wish that were true , but for now loyalty must be earned . Much like steps on a ladder, there are specific qualities that you can see in a person to know if they are truly loyal. We call this the “loyalty ladder”. A truly loyal person will be loyal because they want to. Loyalty through obligation can be dangerous , but sometimes it’s hard to detect . People can be deceiving due to their own personal agendas and show this subtly through their words and actions.
Loyalty is one of the investment in social support , when an individual loyal is possess this following qualities
· Respectful
· Trustworthy
· Sincere
· Integrity
It’s important to keep in mind that we are all a work in progress. We can strive to be better in all of these areas . It’s not up to us to judge or be harsh to those that are not , there is a decent chance that deep down inside of themselves a desire to be loyal and have loyalty show to them resides.
Honesty on the other hand as the investment on social support means: telling the truth or able to be trusted and not likely to steal, cheat, or lie .
Honest comes from the Latin word “ Honestus “ which means honourable or respected . Honest person are authentic, people want to be around others that are real, meaning they are authentic and have high character. Honest person always have integrity, they are compassionate, they are kind, they are resourceful, they are connectors, they are humble.
Honest is a key to social support in human relation. When an individual is honest it connect you to so many things such friendship , business , contract etc.
Attributes of Honesty
§ Courage: Ability to do what is right or decent even when it seems its dangerous .
§ Truthfulness: This is simply the act of saying the truth at all times .
§ Reliability: This is the act of showing that people can always rely or depend on you .
§ Godliness: This is the ability to fear God in your heart at all times . Honest attracts better friends in a social environment
References
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